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Sexual assault is any unwanted and forced sexual behaviour that happens without a person’s consent. It can include touching, kissing, and vaginal, oral or anal penetration.

Sexual assault can happen between two people who are in a romantic relationship. It can also happen between friends, family members, acquaintances or strangers. Sometimes more than one person at a time commits sexual assault.

Anyone can be a victim of sexual assault.

And everyone who has experienced sexual assault needs help and support for their physical, psychological and social wellbeing.

Reporting sexual assault to the police

Sexual assault is a serious crime.

Contacting the police is usually the first step for young people following a sexual assault. But deciding whether to report a sexual assault to the police can be a difficult decision. Your child will need your support to decide and report the assault.

It might help to know that when you or your child reports the sexual assault to the police, you’ll speak with officers who are specially trained in helping young people after sexual assault. These officers can support you and your child and can explain what to expect – for example, whether you can stay with your child through the process.

The police can help your child with getting a medical examination and care from support services. They can also make sure your child has privacy when making a statement about the assault.

The police will use the information your child gives them to investigate the incident. If the case proceeds your child might also have to go to court as part of the criminal justice process.

There’s no time limit on reporting sexual assault to the police, but an earlier report is best. This can help the police investigation.

It can be very upsetting if you learn or suspect that your teenage child has been through a sexual assault. You might feel some or all of these things:

• shock or disbelief
• sadness or extreme distress
• blame
• powerlessness
• anxiety
• shame
• anger
• numbness or nothing at all.

All of these feelings are normal. It’s important to look after your own wellbeing so you have the strength to support your child. Talking to friends or family can be a good start, but be clear that you want them to respect your child’s privacy. If you feel you can’t speak about it with people you know, you could try talking with a counsellor who specializes in sexual assault. 

Sexual assault is a serious crime.

Sexual assault is any unwanted and forced sexual behaviour that happens without consent.

If your teenage child is sexually assaulted, you can help your child feel safe and secure.

If your child decides to report the sexual assault, there are people who can help you through this process.

Sexual assault is a traumatic experience.  If your teenage child has been sexually assaulted, a counsellor can help, particularly if your child:

• has overwhelming feelings of anger, sadness or guilt
• shows noticeable changes in sleep patterns, appetite, behaviour or concentration
• has thoughts, memories or nightmares that cause anxiety or distress
• has conflict with family or friends
• withdraws from usual activities, or things they used to like doing
• spends more time on their own than usual
• has trouble going to or keeping up at school, university or work.

Counselling can help you, your child and your family understand how the sexual assault has affected all of you. It can also help you all work through and reduce the effect of the assault.

Some young people benefit from counselling at the time of the assault. Others might not be ready yet for counselling, but might benefit from counselling later.

After sexual assault, teenagers often feel powerless and doubt their own self-worth. But there are things you can do to help your child get back a sense of control, freedom and safety:

• Maintain your child’s usual daily routine, like going to school, university or work.

• Encourage your child to keep up with extracurricular activities and going out with friends.

• Keep your home routine predictable.

• Encourage your child to accept offers of support from others.

If your teenage child tells you about a sexual assault

If your teenage child has been sexually assaulted, they’ll probably be very distressed. Your child might be teary, clingy, angry or in denial. Or your child might not show any outward signs of distress at all.

There are things you can do to support your child when they’re telling you about experiencing sexual assault:

• Listen to your child without interrupting. Avoid asking detailed questions. Just let your child talk. If your child doesn’t want to talk now, let them know that you’ll listen whenever they’re ready. Nothing is so awful that your child can’t talk about it.
• Stay calm on the outside, even if you’re feeling many strong emotions – like anger, worry, guilt and so on – on the inside.
• Believe what your child is telling you. Tell your child that you believe them, even if what they’re saying seems unreal or doesn’t make sense at first.
• Let your child know you love them and that they’re brave to tell you.
• Be there in case your child wants to share more. This might mean staying at home with your child, taking time off work, picking your child up from school, university or work and so on.
• Check in with your child regularly.
• Tell your child it’s not their fault and they’re not to blame – and remind yourself that you’re not to blame either.
• Don’t assume anything about what happened or how your child is feeling.
• Talk with your child about how you can help them feel safe and loved. Be prepared to do what your child needs you to do.

You might feel uncomfortable talking with teenage children about difficult topics like child sexual abuse. That’s natural.

But talking about sexual abuse with your child or the child you’re caring for helps to keep your child safe. That’s because talking helps your child understand what sexual abuse is. Also, open and honest conversations send the message that your teenage child can always talk to you and that you’ll listen no matter what.

If you’re not sure how to start, you can talk about sexual abuse as part of conversations about relationships, respect, consent and personal development. For example, you could talk about good things that happen in trusting relationships, like feeling loved and supported. But you might also talk about how relationships can sometimes make people feel uncomfortable, unsafe, disrespected or bullied – and this isn’t OK.

Consent is when one person asks another to engage in sexual activity, and the other person responds with a voluntary, conscious and active ‘yes’.

You can’t give consent if you:

• are threatened or verbally or physically forced – for example, ‘You can’t lead me on all night and not give me oral – that isn’t fair’, ‘I know you want to …’ or ‘If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll post that nude to Instagram’
• are under the influence of alcohol or other drugs
• don’t understand the consequences of sexual contact, or don’t fully understand what you’re being asked to do
• are under the legal age for sexual consent
• are unconscious, semiconscious or irrational.

If your teenage child experiences sexual assault, it’s not your child’s fault. The person who commits sexual assault is solely and fully responsible for their actions.

Being clear about sexual contact and activities

Teenagers sometimes consent to sexual contact or sexual activity that they regret afterwards. 

This can happen when the sexual contact or activity doesn’t go the way they hoped or expected, when the other person behaves badly afterwards, when they misunderstand each other’s feelings and so on. Sometimes this can lead to allegations of sexual assault, even when the teenagers might have consented to the sexual contact or activity at some point. It’s important to be clear about what happened. 

It’s OK to calmly ask teenagers about the sequence of events and whether they might have consented to some things but not others. 

It’s a good idea to talk with your child or the child you’re caring for about what makes places and situations safe or less safe.

Here’s how you could describe a safe place: ‘A safe place has supervision by a responsible adult. In a safe place, there are people around whom you know and who could help you if you needed them’.

Here’s how you could describe an unsafe place: ‘An unsafe place is where you can’t see other people around who could help you’.

It’s also a good idea to talk with your child about what to do in unsafe situations. For example:

• ‘What would you do if I wasn’t at training to collect you and someone you’ve only just met offers you a lift home?’
• ‘What would you do if you felt uncomfortable at a sleepover?’

You might need to remind your child about physical warning signs that a situation isn’t safe. For example, your child’s heart might start beating faster and they might feel sweaty or shaky. Or your child might just get a ‘gut feeling’ that things aren’t safe. If your child’s body sends these signs, it’s important for your child to trust the signs and get away from the place or situation.

If there are several trusted people in your child’s life, your child will have someone to talk to about worries and concerns, including sexual abuse. You could work with your child to draw up a list of these people.

 After a sexual assault, many parents want their child to take action. This might include reporting the sexual assault to police, seeking medical care, starting legal processes, getting counselling and seeking compensation. You can help by finding out about the processes and services available following sexual assault. If you have this information, you can help your child make informed decisions about the next steps. And when your child decides, being informed will also help you accept those decisions.  

You can take your child for medical care at a hospital or health centre after a sexual assault. A doctor will:

• examine your child and check for physical injuries
• talk with your child about the possibility of pregnancy and emergency contraception
• talk about and test for sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
• talk about how to manage the emotional effects of sexual assault.

Forensic medical examination

If your child gets medical attention shortly after the assault, your child can also choose to undergo a forensic medical examination. 

This kind of examination is carefully documented and done by specially trained doctors. It collects evidence that will be important for the police and court. A forensic medical examination involves:

• having the examination as soon as possible after the sexual assault – there is more evidence within the first 72 hours

• collecting samples like traces of semen, saliva and hair.

If your child is under 16 years of age, you’ll need to give your consent for the forensic medical examination. 

Teenagers sometimes change their minds following these examinations and decide not to follow through with police investigation. 

If your child doesn’t go ahead with a police investigation after the forensic medical examination, the forensic pediatrician can let you know what happens next with the medical samples. 

Help and support during medical examinations

Your child will need your help and support with decision-making during the medical care and examination process. You can ask the doctors what to expect, including whether you can stay with your child. Your child will also have a counsellor or an advocate throughout the forensic medical examination. 

This person’s role is to provide support, psychological assessment and care. This person can explain your child’s legal rights and what’s involved in the medical and legal process. This person can also let you know about how to best support your child after a sexual assault 

Teenagers have the right to say what happens to their bodies. Understanding and exercising this right can help keep teenagers safe from sexual abuse.

You might say to your child or the child you’re caring for, ‘Your body belongs to you. You have a right to decide who you share your body with. No-one can touch, ask to see, or take photos of your body, or do anything sexual with you unless you say they can. You can say no, no matter who has asked you’.

You can explain that most people do the right thing. But there might be situations where someone your child trusts tries to touch them in a sexual way without consent. This could be an adult friend, family member or another young person.

Refusing consent
If someone does try to touch, see or take photos of your child’s body or do anything sexual without consent, the first step is saying ‘No!’

The next step is telling you or another trusted adult. This is essential even if your child has been told to keep it a secret or has been threatened, bribed, blackmailed or tricked into the situation.

Asking for consent
It’s also important to talk with your child about how to ask for consent. You might say, ‘If you want to kiss someone, you need to ask for their consent first. You could say something like, ‘Can I kiss you?’ or ‘I would really like to kiss you. Would that be OK?’

And let your child know that consent for deeper intimacy involves constantly checking that their partner wants the same as they do. It’s important that your child knows that if the other person is silent or hesitant or changes their mind, that’s not consent.

When teenagers know what healthy and respectful relationships look like, they might be able to avoid relationships that put them at risk of sexual abuse.

One way to help teenagers understand respect is by talking about examples that you come across on TV or streaming services, or at the movies.

It’s also important to talk about knowing when a relationship is becoming disrespectful or unsafe and what your child can do. For example, ‘It’s wrong for someone to force you to kiss them, try to get you to do something sexual, or try to be around you when you don’t want them to be. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do, even if you’re going out with someone’.

You can help your child to choose and build respectful relationships by talking with him about how people behave in respectful romantic and intimate relationships.

You could try asking open questions to get the conversation started. For example:

• What do you think is important in a relationship?
• How do you want to be treated?
• What kind of behaviour shows you that someone truly loves or cares for you?

If your child has questions, try to answer them honestly and openly. If you can have conversations like this with your child, it encourages clear, open and honest communication. It also makes it easier for your child to come to you in the future if she needs help with a relationship.